Till date, a week has passed for twentytwelve. It had ups and downs, and a little bit of drama towards the end. But you know, as much as it is, life is like a drama serial, and I'm like an actress staging up my own life's direction without any director.
We've finally talked on New Year Day, and I'm glad you're okay. But somehow, it seems like we're developing the kind of barrier I've never ever speculated. It's not like I'm imagining things, but it's something that I've been feeling between the both of us when we chatted during that NYD. I know it has been two years and eight months since we've made our rightful distance, but that once-closeness still dawns on me sometimes. Because what was once so familiar, has become really foreign to the both of us.
Here's another one. It was within a week that one moment I was so close to her, going out and having fun, and the next moment we seemed like we were going to go our separate ways.
Just two days ago, I fell to one of my lowest where some mini melodrama happened. I almost lost a friendship that was so dear to me. Despite all her apoloigising and her guilt for whatever had happened, I still exploded. Obviously this time round I was even worse than a time bomb.
I know I have the worst temper when I'm badly angered or saddened. I will not know what I'm doing, nor the significance of the relationship or friendship I have with you. I'll then become very two-faced, and go crazy like a zombie trying to kill and scare everyone away. (that sounds scary right)
In spite of knowing myself to be like this, I never meant any harm. It's just to protect myself from getting really hurt and having bad breakdowns, for I'm a person who has a super hard exterior, but a soft and hideous interior. I'm someone who will never show my emotions in the open unless I'm not able to control anymore.
So really, I'm sorry to the people I've shown my bad side to. Even to the one in this case. But really, believe me, I have never meant any of such things I had done. It's just the anger that got terribly the better of me. This is also why I have never got so angry at anyone before. I really try my hardest to be the greater one to forgive at times when it can be done. If not, ignore and pray that everything will be okay.
On a lighter note, my birthday is coming. I really hope everything goes well into place. Not like I'm expecting anything much anymore, but just something that really keeps me away from being negative :')
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