I'm trying hard not to fall back.

I dragged my feet, early in the morning, to head over to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for my once-in-two months appointment. If you're actually asking why the negativity through that journey there is because I'd felt terribly sleepy due to sleeping late and the terrible hunch of having a terrible medical assessment. 

But true enough... 

I'd had a terrible medical assessment: 

1. My doctor told me that my medication dosage of Lamicital had reached the limit and it's still not working in making me feel better. It once got better for almost a year, but it suddenly fell back.
2. From point one, so I'd changed my medication to something stronger. But for this, I need to undergo a blood test (I'm really scared of needles going through my skin for some reason) to test the function of my liver (or something like that).
3. I believe I've been having breakthrough seizures quite frequently. Three in December, and just the recent one in beginning February. (A breakthrough seizure commonly occurs to me just before I reach the start of my menstrual cycle -- it''s basically like a drastic drop in hormone level). 

From the above-mentioned, it's very apparent that my condition has worsened; admittedly, I really felt discouraged and dejected when I'd heard about it. 

Well, as the vicious cycle always goes: 

Hearing the bad news --> Rejection --> Consideration / Reflection --> Acceptance --> Letting go 

Somehow, it always works in this cycle (I don't believe it does not apply to people around me). Sometimes, I wish I could reject the news forever, and pretend that nothing happened. 

But we all know well enough that life moves on. 

All I can say is... I need God's healing hands... I need a miracle... I need encouragement... I need some prayers... I need some good luck...