It's the end of another week; these days, it seems as if I'm only keeping my blog updated every week. &Especially, I only update my blog either on Fridays or weekends; I only update on weekdays when I see the need to. Well, I admit I've a lot of things to update, but somehow or rather, I never knew how to start the update.
Too many things have happened; majority, not very great though.
Firstly, my probation got extended by one to two months; I was kindof expecting it (though luckily it's not getting sacked). Well, my parents are not too happy about it. Nevertheless, I know that I was the one who landed myself landed in this shit. But just, you know, screw it. Well, to be frank, I actually rather get sacked now, than to go through the pain of getting extended and having many eyes to watch you and whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like the job, in fact the job is fine with me, but it's just the environment; for some reason, some of the people there just give me this aura that I shouldn't be there.
Anyway, when I was there, I've learnt to swallow plights and move on, pretending that nothing happened. I've learnt to do it so well, that sometimes, I just even apply to daily life. Whenever anything happens, I just "swallow my plight" lor, and move on; because basically, I'm too tired to even start complaining or ranting about the situation. It's exhausting - Like once you've started pretending in work so well, you might just start pretending in daily life too - It's just so tiring to change faces every time, such a hassle.
Speaking about that, the HR manager just left. People are believing that it's for the better, since she has had been the vixen of the company (as heard from the secretary of the CEO). But I just don't get it, there are foxes and vixens everywhere right? Even in our country, Singapore. But what to do? Our countrymen's pastime is to complain. So all we do is, "like that lor".
So all we could do is the army way, suck thumb and swallow plight, and then MOVE ON BITCHES.
Secondly, Regina asked me something and then it struck me. I don't want to bring up the male party's name to protect his identity, so let's call him, B. B and I literally "text" every day, and frankly, I am already suspicious since.. the start of 2011 or even earlier. Don't say I'm not, I am, it's just that I'm too tired to even bring up the topic to him. Regina asked me whether he was in love with me, &all I can say is, "just don't talk about it". I'm too tired to even make myself ponder about that. I'd rather he tell it to me himself. Till now, I've yet to actually hear something to clear this air.
If you really want to ask me whether I'm suspicious of this till date, frankly, yeah I am still suspicious about it. Maybe slightly more now; if even third parties can start asking me about whether B is "in love" with me, it definitely must be something wrong. &Yes, thanks to the mentioned, I do plan to get this clarification done as soon as possible.
Worse part is, I'm not really single. I think my good friends &(that guy) know why. But just something for that guy, if you really are just playing around, let's end it. This is not because I want to just end everything with you, in fact I never once wanted to, not even the relationship we've once had, but you know, it's just time to face reality. I'm more realistic now. I used to like having fun and playing around because I think it's cool to just "play around and have fun", but now it's no more. I won't want to start playing around, and ending at nowhere (again, if it did already happen once before).
On the contrary, if you're not, why can't you just be honest with yourself and your feelings and everything else? Doesn't it just get so tiring just covering up crap like this and pretend nothing happens when actually things do?
I don't want this to turn out as a beautiful disaster. I don't wish to see myself in shambles again, just as I'm trying to stabilise myself in a job. I want to be a great career woman, with ambitions and aspirations, goals and everything else. I have so many unfulfilled things to do with my lifted heart, and want to fulfill them in peace. It will really help if you clarify with me this. Are we in it, or not?
Thirdly, I bet you've heard about the "married poly lecturer having an affair with student's girlfriend" news on asiaone and omynews. Yes, it's definitely going to ruin the poly's reputation and whatever. Fyi, I do know which school he is in and the girl as well. I might even know which course she is in. I even know slightly personal details about the lecturer. It was spreading like wild fire until I think at least 30 tweets in a day were tweeted about him. I bet with you, it'll subside soon. In fact, I think it's already subsiding. Let him have his ego lah, hello. Let the girl go, if you know who she is. It happens, everywhere, just that this one became known and blown out of proportion.
On a lighter note, Good Friday and Easter Sunday are coming to town :) So lovely, time for chocolate / sweetened easter eggs yo! :DDDD
P.S I can't wait for the short working week; tomorrow's gonna have a full-moon! :D
&I'm glad that you're trying your best to move on without me. I know it hasn't been easy.
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