finger-pointed.

If you are wonder how I've been, I'll be answering you that I'm managing well so far. Life has been quite at a standstill, though there are just a little peaks which I'd like to share. 

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Work first. 

Something took me aback at work today. Well, just to type a background of what I'm going to say next, the highlight is that a "once-good" colleague of mine (whom I'd treated as a friend) had been warned of a termination from yesterday. She was very upset that she came to me for consolation through the night and even this morning. 

I was requested to send over my prepared resignation letter to this colleague (let's call her V) for her reference. Well, not thinking that she'd any negative intentions, I just did and talked to her via my office phone. The first few lines that she brought up were, 

"The resignation letter that you wrote and I'd last seen was very good, and I wanted to see it again, hence I'd asked you to send your sample over. However, let me ask you something, even though this may sound very silly, but what if you and I resigned together? Will it arouse suspicion?"  

This was when I got taken aback and got offended. This is not funny. I really didn't know what to say. I mean, to be honest, I have the intention to resign from the company to further my studies full-time but she just took that as a joke. 

I believe she does not know how hard I worked to climb to where I am now; I've had almost got fired twice, pleaded my boss for chances for myself to prove my worth and even had the scariest epileptic relapse of my entire life for the stress of getting fired. 

Just to fast forward other details, she started pushing the blame of herself getting "terminated" to a team colleague of mine and myself for giving "too critical" feedback that her boss decided to make the decision to "wave goodbye". 

Apparently, it was just more than that, but I'm actually sorry yet relieved that she's going off the company. You may think, she's my friend, but... in professional terms, she's definitely not a good colleague to work with. She expects too much spoon-feeding and a whole load of other stuff which words cannot simply describe nor elaborate on my point. 

Now I'm wondering what will happen through this week and the month ahead.  

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Up close and personal. 

I just wanted to pen this down before I go. This was a message from someone that brought me into thinking a couple of nights ago. Here's an extract: 

"... But for the times I'm not there, I'm sorry, but remember all the happy times together because it's special and amazing to have someone like you in my life." 

You know. This brought me into something I've been asking myself through last few nights, 

"If there were more happy memories within a couple, if that could retain a relationship, I'd have got it done by creating many many happy memories just to retain the one I'd (or have) loved very much." 

But apparently, a relationship does not revolve on just happy memories but many other things as well. Even if you have many happy memories, but behind that facade, lying with so much negativity, it will also not help in maintaining the bond called, "relationship". 

To be honest, I really do wish that my love life could stop being a lie. 

Blah blah blah. 

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For once, after a long time, I really need you, just to be someone to talk to behind the "screen", just for a little while.